Infinite Monkey Theorem: Redux

Whilst many ideas are theoretically possible, they are also practical impossibilities. The well-known idea that enough monkeys, given enough time, could type out the entire works of Shakespeare, by pressing keys at random, is certainly an example of this, as even a billion diligent monkeys would be hard pressed to develop a passable copy of Macbeth, before the entire universe evaporated into cold, dead soot.


Now, on a completely unrelated topic, a New York based data scientist, Matt Daniels, has undertaken a purely quantitative analysis to determine and compare the vocabulary depth of various rap artists. Ordinarily, an event such as this would (and should) elicit absolutely zero interest amongst myself and Radix Journal readers, however Daniels happened to use both Shakespeare and Moby Dick as benchmarks for the analysis, where it seems both the Bard’s and Herman Meville’s works have been surpassed in vocabulary by the more loquacious rappers.

Daniel’s himself, went to some pains to point out that quantities does not necessarily equate to quality, however, predictably, certain exotic parts of the internet, then soon followed by the more the mainstream news sites, started to herald titles such as “Science Proves it: Today’s Rapper’s More Poetic than Shakespeare.”

Clearly, claims such as the above need to not go unanswered, lest the lack of response be taken for bludgeoned acceptance of Cultural Marxist inspired iconoclasm, particularly such as that outlined in Michael McGregor’s “Modern Art Comes Full Circle,” where it's suggested a Wu Tang Clan album will soon be played in a high-end art gallery for “pretentious SWPLs” to enjoy. The fact that Wu Tang appears to possess are larger lexicon than Shakespeare will be used to give intellectual credence to this type of display.

Presumably, a peer review won’t be forthcoming from the gang-banging set either, so the ball remains reluctantly in the court of the alternative Right.

Initially, I performed a couple of spot checks and found similar numbers to the original research, however, this isn’t surprising – any significant errors are likely to be conceptual, rather than merely arithmetical.

To wit, methodology used involved determining the number of unique words used in the various rappers’ works to determine their breath of vocabulary. For reasons Daniels himself points out, there are a few issues here, as for instance “pimps, pimp, pimping and pimpin” will be counted “as four unique words,” along with the myriad of bizarre spelling permutations which seem to be de rigueur for the hip hop crowd, which will further inflate the apparent depth of vocabulary.

Now, when I initially started writing this article, I based it on the notion that the rigid sentence structure used in Shakespeare’s iambic pentameter and the narrative flow in Moby Dick, would hinder the “unique word count”, however, whilst most likely technically correct, even to my own ears, this argument came across shrill and whiny – unlikely to sway any opinions in either the mah dick and wigger brigades, nor the self-myopia suffering SWPLs, who would likely deliberately pretend not to understand the argument.

Puzzled as to how to continue, I mused that that cruel satire and sarcasm had always been the S.O.P. of the Left, (no matter how severe the mis-application either…) so, all that was required whip up a few rap songs, plug them in the analysis to demonstrate numerical superiority and then point out that the unique word count used in a rap song is not in any way congruent to other literary works, and even an amateur can surpass even the best rap artists with ease.

Unfortunately, given my minimal interest in the genre I couldn’t really consider how to start. Fortunately however, salvation was a hand, as I do have at least moderate Microsoft Excel skillz. So with creativity augmented with a half bottle of merlot, and a nod to the novel writing machines of Orwell’s 1984,1 without further ado, I present:

The RadixJournal RAPBOT™.

With the largest vocabulary of any rap artist ever at over 150,000 words and generates unique word count scores in the region of 10,000 plus- easily surpassing the all hip hoppers and even the totals of many of the average rappers combined, I feel it has accomplished the mission.2

Admittedly, as the bot actually plucks words at random on the screen, without cause nor consciousness, and would hence fail the Turing Test miserably, I was concerned that the output would be mere gibberish, so I was pleasantly surprised to see that probability was on our side and most of the output seems like a bona fide approximation to the structure and content of the seemingly all pervasive hip hop that saturates the MSM airwaves at present. Here’s a sample:


Kings unlimited, here, Africa, the counterweight.

Rome, hook, hoes, penetrate,

Hail Luciano, y’all obligate.


I can’t discern any difference.

However, not content with trolling the hip hop fraternity, I think we can go one step further here.

All that is now required is to market the bot’s output with an imaginary thug, who has a fabricated and appropriately lengthy criminal record, in order that deluded fans can interpolate their own narrative, where none exists at all (in short: so dem suckas know, ‘dis Bot’s from da streets,dawg!) and let the profits roll in, all of which, will of course be wholly donated to Identitarian causes.

The next stumbling block is to find a music label that isn’t controlled by members of the Tribe, which is sadly proving somewhat more difficult…


1) If anyone is at all interested, the bot grabs words at random via VLOOKUP from a word list with the RAND function, around a weighted RAND function from a smaller pool of “Rap” words (pimp, bitch, hoes etc) to give the output a more rap flavour, and then ends the line with rhyme, selected from another data set. A bit of experimentation with a few different variables to fine tune sentence length and number of syllables etc. was also employed.

2) After this exercise, I actually wouldn’t be at all surprised if the lyrics of modern pop icons Miley Cyrus et al were algorithmically generated, as commentator “TS1709” suggested in this Paul Treitschke article. It seems the cultural vacuity described in Huxley’s “Brave New World” is almost upon us.