The Magazine

The Case For Open Borders


Originally published here on 5th April, 2010.

Most people on the Alternative Right are decidedly not in favor of our open-border policy in the United States. They complain of the program of race replacement, foreigners stealing our jeeeebs, committing crimes, and generally lowering the property values in the joint. I sympathize with these arguments, but, personally, I hope we make allowances for the kind of immigration I like to date. You see, I belong to an oppressed sexual minority: American men who prefer foreign women. There is power in naming things, and so I'll just come out and say it: I am an American xenosexual man.

It took me a while to come to realize my sexual preference. It was never conscious until fairly recently, and I figure it's time for me to come out of the closet, so my xenosexual brothers won't feel alone. It isn't a realization that I'm particularly happy to have had, as it makes life in the Republic incredibly inconvenient. In my long and sordid career as a bachelor, the only women I have been able to maintain a romantic relationship with have been at least raised in other countries.

I'm sure this statement is causing American female upper lips to distort into a snarl. "Oh, another insecure man who is intimidated by an empowered woman!" -- this is how it usually goes. This sentence captures, in essence, what is psychologically wrong with American women for a man of my sexual preference.

First of all, the facts are wrong. If I were insecure, I wouldn't have written this. Also, the women I've been able to deal with for longer than a year or two had job titles like, "SAW gunner," "machine learning engineer," and "scientist." These are very likely to be considerably more "empowered" job titles than anyone reading this in a high moral dudgeon will ever achieve. If you disagree, and think your job is much more awesome than these, I suggest you take it up with the SAW gunner. Secondly, one of the excellent things about foreign women is they rarely try to cut your metaphorical testicles off with ridiculous shaming language. American women by contrast, don't seem capable of communication without bagging on some poor man. Being an unpleasant, confrontational, sarcastic grouch seems to have become a sort of gender duty of American women. The rest of the world sees that as bad manners. Finally, the dribbling self-entitlement and totalitarian-princess gall of it all. Why should anyone care if I won't date American women? It is simply my preference: as worthy of respect and approbation as the preference to not date any women. I count many American women as close friends, confidantes and family members. I love American women! I just don't want to date them.

Other varieties of women don't get so upset about men not liking their kind so much. As a social experiment, I once told a beautiful and talented Russian girl I had a problem with depressing crazy drunkard Russian girls. She agreed with me that most Russian girls are crazy, depressing and drink too much, pointed out the good sides of Russians (hotness, passion, femininity), and noticed that she's actually not really so Russian: she was from a tribe in Russia known for its cheerfulness and moderation. This anecdote illustrates an important difference between domestic and imported females. When faced with an outcome they do not like, American woman will become disagreeable. The foreign woman will become more feminine and seductive; a tactic I have few powers to resist. Since I am not a masochist who enjoys being menaced by angry harridans with rolling pins, this causes me to like the imported models better. I know, I know, my sexual preference is weird and kind of hard to wrap your brain around, but I can't help it. Like many men who were afflicted with a non-standard sexual preference, I'm pretty sure I was born this way.

While my preference is intensely emotional, being wrought in my own sense of extreme heterosexuality, I also look at it as intensely logical. I buy and sell for a living. American women are a bad investment. You see, I'm a very busy man: I'm trying to build a business, create American jobs and generate wealth to help bail us out of the horrible mess we are in. American women get upset when you're not paying attention to them, and do things like start an argument about where to put your goldfish. Foreign women do things like try to help when you are busy.

Many American women are also wrapped up in status monkey games (muuuust get big house) and the consumer gerbil wheel. Even if I were to find an American woman who makes the kind of dough I do, she'd likely spend the pair of us into penury before I am able to hire anybody. Foreign women generally come from less prosperous nations, and so they're less interested in purchasing an enormous McMansion and stuffing it full of plastic tchotchkes along with a couple of neurotic crotch fruit. Foreign women believe in thrift, rather than conspicuous consumption.

American women also tend to believe in deeply unattractive insanity like "gender as social construct feminism," astrology, socialism, putting unsightly tattoos all over their bodies, and moral relativism of all kinds. I have yet to figure out why anybody would contract any kind of alliance with a moral relativist. Foreign women have seen these bad ideas disproved on a daily basis in their lives in less civilized nations, so they believe in things like common sense. I know this probably seems incredibly selfish of me, and perhaps some people think I should be a good fellow and pay more attention to where I put my goldfish, but as a productive member of society, I feel it is my patriotic duty to do my bit to help solve the economic crisis. I figure the slouchy hipsters with nothing better to do can go argue with American women about their goldfish to keep them happy while I'm off doing useful work.

American women have a weird relationship with sex. They're known the world over as loose women. Yet, sex with an American woman is a study in time-motion efficiency at best. Back in my academic days, I once taught an Italian grad student how to pick up girls on the internets: probably the only useful thing I ever taught anybody in an academic setting. Being Italian, he quickly became better at it than I was, but after his first couple of successes he came to my office with a troubled brow. "Scott, what is wrong with American women? I don't want to brag, but I am good at sex. These women, they don't come when I fuck them." It took considerable powers of persuasion to convince him that the average American female needs to be worked over with power tools, months of therapy, and various acts considered signs of deviant madness by the American Psychological Association 50 years ago, in order to experience authentic genital quakes with someone else present in the room.

This isn't just the anecdotal evidence of a couple of science nerds sitting around the synchrotron, there have been scientific studies done on this subject. The vaginal orgasm is observably going away, both in the United States and Western Europe. There are certainly exceptions to all this, but the vaginal orgasm is so elusive among American females, it is widely considered to be a myth among the educated classes. Everywhere else in the world, it's considered the normal way of conducting business. I have no idea how this came about; ideas I've come up with include epigenetics, poisonous feminism, hormonal imbalances, outbreeding depression, and inability to relax. Some researchers have pointed out that a likely cause is improper sex education that focuses on the clitoris...  Basically, American women jerk off too much to derive any pleasure from normal, or even heroic heterosexual, intercourse. A parsimonious explanation, somewhat borne out by my personal investigations into the subject.

Apparently most American men don't mind that their snuggle bunnies might as well be doing their taxes while they drill for gold, or else they enjoy the manly hobby of weilding power tools even in the boudoir, or perhaps some enjoy dictating Tolstoy with the tips of their tongues every night. Well, that is their preference. While power tools and Tolstoy have their charms, I like the old fashioned kind of sex better, and the imported models are the ones dishing it out.

And what of poise, style and feminine grace? Most of you Americans won't know what I am talking about here, because you haven't been around enough foreign women. American women do things like eat while they're walking down the boulevard. Foreign women know this is horrifically gauche, to say nothing of fattening, so they don't do it. Foreign women are too busy trying to balance a plate on their head to shove cupcakes in their mouths while they walk about.

Fashion? Foreign women unashamedly wear dresses. American women wear clothing designed to disguise the fact that they are actually female. American women ... they do not sashay or glide like the old fashioned foreigners do: they gambol and gesticulate like something out of the ape cage at the zoo. When they're trying to be "feminine," an American woman will do something like deploy her decolletage like a couple of battleship cannons. While I guess there is something appealing about gratuitous baboon displays of secondary sexual characteristics, it's a rather crude gambit to my rarified xenosexual senses. A foreign woman can dangle her shoe at me with a naughty smirk, and I will forget all about the battleship cannons seated at the bar next to her. Granted, most American men seem to prefer to be bludgeoned with female battleship cannons; I know I'm the weird one here. Maybe the dress thing is atavistic , or maybe it's because I understand how fermentation works that I don't care for girls in pants. I guess most American men prefer that women wear the pants.

The dimensions of modern American women are worth a mention. The average American woman is 5'4" and tips the scales at 164lbs with a 37" waist size. Being a squirrely little man of the exact average height and weight for an American male, I only have a 31" waist, and so, well, I have to admit, the average, um, "curvy" American woman is certainly of a size that I find rather intimidating. By my calculations, that puts the average American female at approximately 39 percent bodyfat. Normal would be something like 16 percent, yielding a surplus of 38 lbs of fat per woman. There are about 150 million American women, giving us a grand total of 5.7 billion pounds of unsightly excess lard. To get an idea of how obscene this is, 7lbs of fat are about equivalent in energy expenditure to a gallon of petrochemical fuel. Each Saturn-V rocket, the awe-inspiring monstrosities that hurled 1960s era Freemasons to the moon, contained only 960,000 gallons of fuel. Waving my hands over the stoichiometry, this means there is enough excess libido destroying pork butter on American womanhood to power 5900 or so manned moon missions. While American men may like their women on the chunky side, I consider it incredibly wasteful that all this high fructose corn syrup goes to expand female waistlines when it could be used to power space ships to the moon. No, no, I prefer the old fashioned kind of females who have bellies considerably smaller than my own; you know, like the foreign ones.

Then there is the idea of physical fitness among American women. Foreign women define physical fitness as being slim and feminine. American women think it is OK to be as fat as they like, so long as they can run a marathon or go on grueling hikes in the woods. Well, that's OK I guess; physical fitness is important, but if you're carrying around 30lbs of lard, I'm still not going to find you as attractive as a skinny but lazy Romanian or Vietnamese woman. Since I'm trying to find a date, rather than looking for someone to plough my fields, serve as an emergency food supply, or staff a private army, the whole fitness thing isn't so important to me as the aesthetics of slender arms and waists.

I'm pretty sure there is a hormonal component to the whole thing. Look, for example, at these American movie stars of yesteryear, Hedy Lamarr and Lillian Gish below. Beautiful, feminine, wholesome even, and dripping with estrogen. This is the kind of woman that appeals to xenosexuals like myself; they used to make them right here in America, back when Americans actually made things. Now we must make do with imports.

By contrast we have Erin Anderson and Anna Paquin (technically Kiwi: humor me) below, rated 14 and 79 in this year's "Top 99 most desirable women" by Ask Men. They both have the hatchet jaws, neanderthal brow ridges and beady eyes of a male to female transsexual. These physical features are caused by male hormones like testosterone. What could be going on here? Phthalates? Birth control pills? Virilization through yoyo dieting? It is a long story how this works, but even kids notice that fat ladies often have mustaches. Could it be a side effect of female hypergamy as F. Roger Devlin and the notorious Roissy have posited? Meaning, do women who have sampled too many Vienna sausages on the peen chuckwagon develop some sort of endocrinological issues? Or perhaps because modern American women are encouraged to compete and fight like a man, their adrenal glands have released enough androgens to visibly change them. Think about that for a minute: American feminism might have changed women physically.

I'm nothing like an endocrinologist, and I've never done the calculations to see if this could theoretically happen, but the adrenal glands do release testosterone, and the adrenals are used a lot more by disagreeable grouchy American women than feminine foreigners. American men have been looking pretty testosterone deficient in recent years; perhaps they are seeking out something they lack? By contrast, I have an endocrinological disorder cursing me with a high level of testosterone; it comes from my birth into the violent working classes and is exacerbated by my habit of eating too much red meat and lifting enormous barbells in the gym. As such, I don't care so much for the Popeye chin on the ladies. I like the ones with nice oval shaped faces and soft neonatal features, like Hedy Lamarr (who, by the way, was also a certifiable genius).

Numbers 14 and 73 most attractive women in the world according to dystopian universe of

Ask Men

The irreplaceable Roissy posted a sociological article about Kazakh perceptions of different nationalities of women that sums it up better than I ever could. Borat's description of American women:

American woman is described in quite contradictory way. Most amazing is a negative estimation of her appearance. There are many variations on this topic: not well-groomed, not stylish, does not dress well, not fashionable clothes, not ironed shorts and T-shirt, sleepers, put on bare feet, elderly woman in shorts, emancipated woman, for whom it is not important how she looks, a girl without make-up, happy fatty woman, stout and shapeless person, a short hair-cut, a knapsack, waddling walk, tennis shoes, dentures, plain, manlike, unisex.

Borat speaks the truth; no political correctness there, and Borat's women folk won't menace him with a rolling pin for noticing the obvious. "Not that there is anything wrong with that," as Seinfeld put it. Different kinds of men have different preferences and all that. If you like "stout and shapeless persons," all the more power to you.

It doesn't matter to me where they're from. I don't discriminate against foreign women by race, color or creed: every variety of imported female I know of is better on average than the domestic kinds. Now that America consists of all sorts of racial types, you can no longer tell a foreign woman by an exotic complexion. But we xenosexual men will be able to tell. My F.O.B.-dar is so finely tuned, I can spot a Russian, Eritrean or Serb at 50 paces, and I'll know if a Korean in America was raised in Los Angeles or is from the old country long before she opens her mouth. They seem to do a decent job of finding me as well; perhaps they notice my surfeit of self-respect compared to other American men -- that's how I spot my xenosexual brothers.

So, immigration haters, give a care to your less fortunate xenosexual brothers. Would you condemn us to a lifetime of loneliness, or force us into the arms of women we don't find attractive? I suspect American male xenosexuality might be a bigger phenomenon than was heretofore realized, so I encourage the lot of you to come out of the closet with me. I know Derb is on board. So are such notable conservatives as Fred Reed, and Roissy; even Mel Gibson -- men who have seen a bit of life, and know what they like.  Open wide the gates!

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!

Not an American woman

Post Scriptum: No American women were harmed in researching this essay, despite what they may say.