The Gay Movement's Bitch


In my December 2010 piece "Ten Shocking Predictions," I foresaw, with uncanny, Nostradamus-like prescience, the current mess in which SNL alum and 30 Rock star Tracy Morgan now finds himself. I wrote:

I predict that someone famous will get in trouble for making allegedly racist or homophobic statements in some public or private venue in 2011, and will be forced to offer a humiliated apology for his supposed verbal malefactions. I further predict that said malefactions will NOT be forgiven by representatives of the dominant paradigm (which, by the way, will NOT be subverted) until he does further work to begin the 'healing process,' which he will immediately do forthwith, and that after he does them forthwith, the representatives of the dominant paradigm will CONTINUE to withhold forgiveness indefinitely.

It was a bold and stunning prediction, describing an occurrence we have very rarely witnessed in recent years, that of a celebrity being made to pathetically grovel before a powerful and favored special interest group for the sin of expressing a forbidden opinion, thus committing an unforgiveable transgression against the Holy Zeitgeist. We have rarely seen it, that is, with just a few minor exceptional cases, like those of Jimmy "the Greek" Synder, Andrew Dice Clay, Andy Rooney, John Rocker, Trent Lott, Reggie White, Mel Gibson, Helen Thomas, Rick Sanchez, Juan Williams, Rush Limbaugh, Lars Von Trier, and possibly a few hundred others who have run afoul of the PC thought police in these otherwise easygoing and totally un-censorious times. Yet against all odds, my prediction came true, demonstrating to all doubters once and for all the impressively virile extent of my formidable psychic powers.

Yes, it happened, unfolding just as I’d forecasted! During an appearance in Nashville last week, Tracy Morgan, the Black comedian whose shtick is to be a sassy, boorish loudmouth—to distinguish him from all of the elegant, tasteful, and restrained black comedians currently out there, I suppose—took his outrageous act to that perilous region known as “too far.”

Morgan made the mistake of complaining about gays who bitch about getting bullied (a similar complaint to one made by yours truly in these virtual pages; then again, yours truly isn't famous, so nobody cares). Morgan also apparently said he'd "stab" his son if he ever got wind that he was homosexual—a statement which, though probably made in jest, must be sternly condemned since, after all, some things are JUST NOT FUNNY. (Joking about sticking a knife in your heterosexual son, on the other hand, is no doubt perfectly cool, while declaring you'd stab your son if he ever expressed “homophobic” sentiments might just win you a medal for heroism and enlightened tolerance from the likes of GLAAD.)

Now Morgan has “learned his lesson,” but of course, and he is dutifully setting forth to right his wrong, returning to Nashville to cringe, grovel and GLAAD-hand his masters, like the slave that he is. He has even expressed his support for gay marriage.

I will never comprehend why people who are rich and famous still feel compelled to abase and humiliate themselves in this manner—if I had Morgan’s money and were in his predicament, I’d happily invite all those who want me to apologize to pucker up and kiss my skinny white ass. Heck, I’d assuredly do that now, poor, powerless, obscure paleocon pornographic scribbler though I am. Yet Tracy Morgan and his fellow celebs always seem to prefer the wretched route of the public meaculpa, which strikes me as not only degrading but foolish as well. When was the last time an apology for thought-crime ever won a thought-criminal any mercy from those who sit in judgment over him, with his fate in their hands? Apologizing just gives your enemies what they want; your desperate contrition makes them smile nastily, and start to circle you, their prey, with breathtaking relentlessness, like sharks swarming a bloody carcass in the ocean.

If you’re going to go down anyway, isn’t it better to go down swinging? Don’t let these bitches make you their nigger, Tracy! Fight like a man, for God’s sake!