Team Racial Pursuit and Stabbing

It's obvious why London was granted the Olympics instead of dull places like Moscow or Madrid. This is a city that exemplifies 'diversity' and where no cost is high enough to ensure the cultural enrichment of multiculturalism. This makes it the perfect venue for a truly global event like the Olympics.

Billions have already been spent on preparing for what promises to be a particularly exciting Games – just ask those residents of apartment blocks with anti-terrorist SAM rockets positioned on their rooftops. Meanwhile the tireless Olympic organizers continue to work overtime to make this the best Olympics ever by introducing yet another exciting new Olympic sport to help London celebrate its diversity.

Called "Team Racial Pursuit and Stabbing," the new sport will help boost the profile of London's all-important Afro-Caribbean community, as it is an event they are particularly gifted at. This was demonstrated at the recent trials held at the Ox and Gate training facility in Dollis Hill, North West London, where a team of Olympic hopefuls successfully stormed a pub and fatally stabbed a young White man and hospitalized his father.

The team was praised for overcoming obstacles – "people were throwing chairs at the door to try and stop them from coming in" – and for their excellent teamwork – "the men who came for Luke were like a pack of wolves."

Team Racial Pursuit and Stabbing is just one of several new sports that will debut at London 2012. Others include:


Eastern European Hooker Marathon (multi-venue, Central London)

Cross Country Romany Defecation (Park Lane Central Reservation, Central London)

Romanian Gypsy Pickpocket Slalom (Oxford Street, Central London)

Synchronized Flash Rioting (to be arranged)